I'm realizing that my recovery is taking as long as the doctor said. I figured I would be back to normal in a few weeks. Although I have periods of normalcy, this itching is about to take me down. I've become a lidocaine junky. It says on the tube to use every 6 hours. HA! After 2 hours it was itching so bad, I was almost wishing for the intense pain I woke up to. So I was using the lidocaine as needed.
Well, the swelling hasn't gone down like it should, and the redness is getting worse. After one of my tub episodes, I was bent over looking in the mirror and thought, "My ass looks like a Christmas ornament, it could almost be the star on top of the tree". Upon furthur inspection, the way the swelling is and how the redness is making a halo around it, I decided instead it looks like the Star of Bethlehem.
Mind now going into overdrive... how could this be marketed on ebay? Not many guys can say their ass looks like a heavenly object. I do know quite a few women that have those, however. It would be easy if it looked like the Virgin Mary, or Jesus himself, I'd even take Willie Nelson or George Bush, but this isn't a piece of toast or pancake that I can sell. Pictures probably wouldn't sell very well as most people would think they were photoshopped. Being in the true Christmas spirit, I thought about standing on top of the house with a nativity scene below, and a spotlight on my ass hoping that it would inspire some wise men to lavish my humble abode with Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh.
Alas, one of the neighbors would probably call the cops and although it probably wouldn't be proven to be indecent exposure in a court of law it could, however, be considered at that point a career limiting move. Besides it's cold out there.
No matter what, it's not a pretty picture.
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4 comments:
yeah, as far as the courts go, you could really get a bum wrap.
ok, ok, that was lame I know, but it was the best I could come up with...
Stacie
The best things about puns is that they are as effective making you groan as they are at making you laugh. That was a good one.
Well, your ass is definitely biblical. I'd follow it to the Promised Land any day.
I'm so sorry to hear of all this! I didn't have your blog linked, and deleted all my emails, and was wondering where you'd dropped off to...
But, um, just reading this is making my ass itch. I've got to go...
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